Women Own The Holidays!
By Ed Williams, Sat Dec 10th

This week we’re gonna get serious and deal with one of life’sgreatest mysteries - why are almost all of the gift givingholidays slanted towards women?

I know, I know, this is gonna arouse a little controversy,especially from some of you women out there. And ladies, pleasedon’t take this the wrong way - I still love ya‘ll as much asever, but I have to tell it like it is. Bottom line, gift givingholidays are geared towards women receiving the majority of thegifts. It’s as simple as that.

Ya’ll should know me well enough by now to know that I’m notgoing to say something like that without being able to back itup. It’s my responsibility as a serious journalist to support mystatements with facts. So, in that spirit, here’s a list of thesix major gift giving holidays along with where all those giftsseem to be going:

1. Valentine’s Day - Is there any couple alive who can honestlysay on Valentine’s Day that more money was spent on the man thanthe woman? If there’s a couple like that out there, please writeme, cause your story would make a full length column in and ofitself. We all know, just by what is put on sale on Valentine’sDay, that this holiday is slanted towards women. If you don’tbelieve me, kindly tell me many men out there are longing forgifts like flowers, balloons, heart shaped boxes of candy, oredible underwear? Hmmm?

$$$ Advantage: Women.

2. Anniversaries - This is a slam dunk for women. Anniversariesexist solely to pay homage to the female in the relationship.Most times, she gets expensive jewelry, nice clothing items,trips, cars, etc., etc. What does the man typically receive?Usually either a mailbox, some work clothes, or a giftcertificate to a store that doesn’t exactly sell male orienteditems (Victoria’s Secret, for example). In fact, to no man’ssurprise, this certificate usually ends up being redeemed foritems that benefit the woman.

$$$ Advantage: Women.

3. Mother’s Day - I can’t knock this one at all, but obviouslythe gifts all go to women on this day. In fact, any man worthhis britches loves his mama and should be glad to pony up big onthis holiday. I know I wish I

could.

$$$ Advantage: Women.

4. Christmas - If Christmas was any more oriented towards women,Santa would physically resemble Martha Stewart. But, don’t takemy word for it, research it yourself - visit a Sears one day,walk through the store, and tell me if at least two-thirds ofthe items in there aren‘t oriented towards women? I think that’swhy Sears is still hanging on in the retail world. If you wantto see what happens when a store tries offering a more genderbalanced mix of products, visit a JCPenney's (while you stillcan). They’re learning the hard way what it means to not openlycater to women.

$$$ Advantage: Women.

5. Easter - When I was a boy growing up, I got lots of Eastercandy each year, so I’ll admit that food wise the holiday is abreak even between boys and girls. However, what slants this onetowards women are the clothes. Have you ever seen a young womanon Easter without a new dress and accompanying accessories? Asfor us guys, I can remember some years just being handed a newtie if I could still fit into my previous year’s stuff.

$$$ Advantage: Women.

6. Father’s Day - This is the only holiday where men rake inmost of the loot. But, most wives, recognizing that, purchasegifts for their honey that ultimately end up benefiting them -stuff like gutter cleaners, new paint brushes, woodworkingequipment, and the like. And guess what - all those things endup producing goods or services that ultimately benefit thewoman.

$$$ Advantage: Debatable.

And there you have it - clear, non-biased proof that most giftgiving holidays favor the woman. I guess this is to be expected,and is just as nature intended. I’d like to discuss this topiceven more, but, I have to finish up this column right now. Theupstairs bathtub is clogged, and this’ll be the first chanceI’ve had to use that new super strength plunger I received thispast Christmas. And guess who gave it to me?

About the author:Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by callingRiver City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also apopular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number ofSoutheastern publications. You can contact him via email at:ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at:www.ed-williams.com.